


To Seize More than Saidin

by Eirenne Saijima (ladypoetess)



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladypoetess/pseuds/Eirenne%20Saijima
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the battle at Lord Algarin's manor, Rand accepts the comfort offered by an unlikely source.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Seize More than Saidin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tedronai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tedronai/gifts).



> Tremaile and I had a discussion some while back about how there is very little m/m fanfic for WoT that isn't Rand/Mat. One of us suggested Rand/Logain (I don't remember which of us brought it up first), and though neither of us particularly ship it, he wanted to read it, so I said I'd write it.
> 
> This is not at all explicit, and it fits between chapter 19 and chapter 20 of Knife of Dreams, at Lord Algarin's manor, after the trolloc attack and Lews Therin seizing control of saidin away from Rand.

"Lord Dragon, a word?" Logain's voice was cold.  
  
Rand, back in his rooms at Lord Algarin's manor, turned wearily from the window to face the Asha'man standing in the doorway. It was a rare moment when he was completely alone in the room, and loathe as he was to give up the solitude, he motioned for Logain to enter.  
  
"Come in, Logain. Close the door behind you." Rand eyed the other two Asha'man that were with Logain, suspicious. The Maidens who guarded his door he trusted, more or less, but it was still difficult to trust other men who could channel. As soon as the door clicked shut, Logain put up a ward against eavesdropping. This caused a spike of alarm in Rand, largely from the ever-present gibbering of Lews Therin in his head, but he said nothing.  
  
"Lord Dragon, are you well?" Logain's tone was still cold, but he stood at apparent ease, hands clasped behind his back. "I ask because you seemed... somewhat erratic during the battle."  
  
Rand would have laughed, if he could have summoned the energy to do so. Logain's assessment was so accurate, but also incredibly paltry in comparison to reality. Instead, Rand turned back to the windows, watching the Asha'man, Aes Sedai, and Aiel pick through the corpses of trollocs.  
  
"I am well enough, Logain. What is it that you want, but clearly do not want the others to hear us discussing?" Rand gestured to the room, indicating the ward.  
  
"I want to know why you will not trust me!" Logain burst out in frustration, his voice heating along with the words before he breathed deeply and continued in a carefully moderated tone. "You used weaves that I have never seen before; certainly ones I was never taught at the Black Tower. Taim has his cronies, his 'special students' that learn advanced and dangerous weaves - do you have such students? Who are you willing to trust to learn what you know? Why is it not me?"  
  
Rand sighed and paced slowly around the room, covering for the time he needed to quiet Lews Therin again. After a moment he spoke quietly, "It is more complicated than you know, and I am not willing to speak of much of it."  
  
Logain stiffened, as if Rand had struck him. Rand saw and made a placating gesture. "It is not what you think, Logain. I trust you more than you realize, though probably less than you desire. I am sorry for that, but it is how things must be. My strange weaves are not something I 'teach' anyone, not intentionally. You have been training to use _saidin_ , trained in specific weaves for specific purposes, yes?"  
  
Logain nodded.  
  
"I have not. Much of my instruction was theoretical, at best, and my practice is largely... call it instinctive. I do not teach these weaves because I do not necessarily know what they will be before I use them." Rand shrugged slightly. _That is the best I can do in explaining it,_ Rand thought, _at least without confessing that the mad man in my head can seize control of the source away from me and channel things I have never seen nor heard of._  
  
"I see." Logain's voice was thoughtful now. "It makes a certain amount of sense, I suppose. My channeling, before coming to the Black Tower, was similarly instinctive. Though, I must say, you have better instincts than I with regard to what will work to kill shadowspawn, Lord Dragon."  
  
Rand inclined his head in acknowledgement of the compliment, and then turned away again. _I wonder if he realizes the trust I show by turning away from him; by not watching him every moment he is in my presence._  
  
"Was there anything else, Logain?" Rand sounded tired and he knew it, but before long he would need to go back to the press of people, the scores of corpses, the wounded, and the dead of his people.  
  
Logain's booted feet sounded loud on the floor of the room as he walked nearer to Rand, his anger cooling somewhat in the face of the truth of the Dragon's condition: the man was exhausted and at the end of his ability to cope. He knew it was far from the same as his own experience with being gentled, but he remembered the exhaustion at dealing with life in general and the pointlessness of everything when he did not have his link to the power, and his heart ached for the Lord Dragon.  
  
He wasn't thinking when he reached out to lay a hand on Rand's shoulder; not about what he was doing and not about what might happen next. Logain wanted only to help lessen the burden of what this man carried. He knew that Rand had advisers aplenty; military minds, Aes Sedai, and Aiel wisdom to guide him. But none of those people could know what this man went through the way Logain could. At least, they couldn't know what _saidin_ did to a person. That set them apart more than anything else, he figured. He still held onto saidin, but he'd noted that Rand hadn't grasped the source even once since Logain had entered the room.  
  
"None of them truly understand, do they?" Logain's voice was quiet behind Rand. "They think it so simple, what we do with the power, the way to control it. Even the Aes Sedai, the female channelers, they have no idea."  
  
"No, not really." Rand had stiffened slightly, first at Logain's touch and then at his quiet words, but now he forced himself to relax as much as he could. "Some tried to teach me their way of working, once, but they don't seize the power, they embrace it."  
  
"Which is why they'll never understand the strain you are under, Lord Dragon. We don't just seize _saidin_ , we wrestle with the very forces of life every time we open ourselves to the power and try to shape it to our will." Logain sounded bitter. "The taint may be gone now, but the effects still linger for most of us. Aes Sedai, with their mastery of _saidar_ , will never understand that."  
  
Rand stood still and quiet for a long moment, then reached up to touch Logain's hand. _He's right, mostly. Even though he does not - cannot - understand what I go through entirely, he understands what it is to fight the power, to force it to my will, and to need so desperately to make sure it does not turn back on me or those around me._ Rand's sword-calloused hand rested tentatively atop Logain's, the warmth and pressure of the touch feeling oddly comforting. Finally, Rand turned and regarded Logain, his eyes fixed on the other man's.  
  
Under that gaze, Logain felt as if he were being carefully picked apart, categorized, neatly labeled, and then put back together with all his inner workings recorded for future reference. _What would he do if..._  
  
Logain raised his other hand and Rand stiffened. It was subtle - the barest flaring of nostrils as he inhaled, a slight narrowing at the corners of his eyes, and a sudden tension in his muscles that Logain would not have noticed if his hand weren't still on the Lord Dragon's shoulder. Logain stopped, holding his hand aloft and turning it to show that he held nothing, hid nothing. After a few heartbeats, Rand nodded very slightly, and Logain reached forward to brush the hair from Rand's face. His fingers lingered there, at the side of Rand's head, marveling at the situation he had created. He slid his hand down and back, cupping the base of Rand's neck and massaging slightly.  
  
"I... I realize that it is a difficult thing, but you _can_ trust me, Lord Dragon." Logain's voice was quiet now. Not soft - there was little time for softness these days - but quiet like the still boulders in the depth of the forest.  
  
Rand's eyes closed and he leaned into the other man's touch, his right hand traveling down Logain's arm to rest on his shoulder. He enjoyed the pressure against his neck for awhile longer, then stepped closer to Logain when he felt the pressure increase. Rand raised his other hand to cover the one still on his shoulder and switched his right hand to the man's other shoulder, sliding it back to mirror Logain's own posture by cupping the man's neck. Rand opened his eyes and stared into Logain's.  
  
"Call me Rand."  
  
Neither man knew which moved into the embrace first, just as neither was sure who moved beyond that embrace. But, some time later, twined together on the floor near the hearth, it was Logain who held Rand protectively and pillowed Rand's head on his chest. And it was Logain who smiled slightly and whispered, "Rand."


End file.
